I'm Evolving

Finding Balance in the Sandwich Years

I find the designation and characterization of generations fascinating. This may be because I love my generation. Does everyone love their generation? My generation, Gen X, is objectively very special. We were the first generation for whom greater wealth than our parents wasn't a given. This brought a love of thrift, flannels, grunge, and big pants before big pants were a thing, which they are.

Gen X followed the Baby Boomers, whose arrival coincided with the post-World War 2 economic boom (hence "boomers"). This timing brought a large percentage of that generation tremendous wealth and stability, which remains – especially when it came to housing. Housing was proportionately cheaper then. More Boomers could buy houses when they were young than can today, and many of them are now aging in place in those same homes they purchased decades ago.

Image credit: Federal Reserve

Image credit: Consumer Affairs

This housing reality shapes much of Gen X's current challenge. We're in a crunch time. While our financial situation may be somewhat more stable than following generations, the demands on our time put us in a bind. We are Gen X, the sandwich generation – working, caring for children, putting kids into college, and helping our aging parents either downsize or age in place. If this is you, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what this is like.

Last year I launched Rightsizing with Design to address the needs of this aging population. But what I learned after a year of marketing and analytics is that the people most interested in the program, who participated in the program, were like me – sandwiched. This was not what I expected.

First of all, this would explain my lower retention rate. I had people signing up, completing two modules, and then stopping. I reached out to folks. I encouraged folks. But people simply don't have the bandwidth.

The demands on our time are extreme. We cannot do it all, and improving our home isn't ranking as the most urgent thing. The most urgent thing is often what's immediately in front of us: kids, parents, job, relationship.

So I'm evolving. My sense that there's a mini-crisis in our housing system related to under-improved homes remains strong. I can't not feel this living in Baltimore, which like many cities, reflects homes built hastily during rapid expansion (1920's-1960's). As inflation increased, these homes became too expensive to repair. Standard home upgrades like kitchen and bath remodels are now virtually out of reach, even for middle income earners. My contractor colleagues report raising their prices 3-fold since the pandemic. THAT IS INSANE. Maybe prices will come down, but I’m doubtful. But all is not lost.

Here's my evolving plan for Rightsizing in 2025. First, scale down. I'm also slowing down because I find the current national situation overwhelming. But scaling down means I can also slow down. Win win.

Instead of major renovations, I'm focusing on smaller upgrades that don't require extensive time or labor. Coming in 2025:

• The 15-Minute Kitchen Counter Reset

• The Sanctuary Spot – for calm, for safety, for yourself and nobody else

These small projects can feel like big improvements, and how we approach these smaller projects teaches us how, when we're ready, to take on the bigger ones.

We'll also dive into family dynamics because I have a lot to say about that. An interior designer in the residential space sees a lot . . . of body hair, children's messes, and communication styles. I have thoughts and, most importantly, I have a deep interest in doing more one-woman skits to role play for you.

If that goes well, and for people who would like to do more, I'm developing stress-free systems and time-saving command centers. Coming soon to Rightsizing with Design:

• Morning Rush Analysis

• Zone Creation

• Color Confidence modules

All of these are informed by the need for quick wins, big impact, and minimal time commitments.

I'm also thinking hard about creating a community support structure – a forum where you can come with your SOS and get solutions. We need support around repairs and repair people. We also need a space to celebrate our wins, big and small. I've always said community is the name of the game, the essence, the key ingredient to Refuge Design Workshop. The refuge is the community, where you can come for support, information, inspiration, and maybe even a moment of pure delight. (Just kidding about that last one – but why not aim for it?)

One last thing. An update. When I first launched Rightsizing with Design, I shared how I was working with my Mom who was moving out of the family home and into a smaller house. Well, that’s done. I want to share that it went really well, but at the same time, my approach was different to my Mom’s. In the end, she was the one doing all the work. It just was that way. I spent some time with her organizing in person, and there were several phone calls. But the actual clearing out was mostly on my Mom.

We decided to hire a service, which turned out to be transformative. While I provided strategic support through phone meetings and a comprehensive list of everything in her house, color coded, with photos, and dimensions, my Mom did the heavy lifting of sorting through decades of memories. The service helped create structure and deadlines. Most critically, they handled the logistics of donations, sales, and disposal, which freed my Mom to focus on the emotional work of deciding what to keep.

The biggest lesson? Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for our parents is to step back and let them lead the process, while ensuring they have professional support. My Mom's pace and decisions were different from what I might have chosen, but honoring that brought us closer. For anyone facing a similar transition, I recommend starting with a family conversation about roles and expectations, then researching local senior move management services to fill the gaps.

The house sold quickly, and mom is settled in her new place. But that's another story for another post.

If you're new here, check out our Closer Look series on YouTube for practical tips and inspiration. And stay tuned for upcoming virtual workshops focused on quick wins with big impact. It's all evolving, but this combination of offerings feels right for meeting you where you are, when you have time.

*Images from Colour Hive unless otherwise noted.